“I never really knew what I was here for.”
At school, at college, at work, I was just doing what I thought I was supposed to do. Did I find it interesting? Yeah, it was okay. Did it light me up inside? Absolutely, not; And strangely enough, I repeatedly followed the same pattern.
I worked hard to excel and aspired to be the best, chasing promotions and wanting to achieve at whatever I did. This didn’t always happen, and I became frustrated, working longer hours, becoming more and more critical and harder on myself; especially if I saw others succeed.
I constantly told myself I was alright, but deep down, I was far from alright.
One day, on holiday, whilst walking along a beautiful beach with my family, I was watching dolphins play in the most beautiful clear blue sea, without feeling a single ounce of joy; the only thoughts in my busy mind were about what if I died? What if I disappeared? I thought this may bring me peace and release me from not feeling like normal person.
But I didn’t, I carried on. I worked harder, thinking maybe the extra piece of success may finally lift the fog in my mind.I had a young family and my home life suffered.